Chris Simon LPC, CSAT-S, CMAT

For most of human history, marriage was not a matter of personal fulfillment — it was a practical alliance. Across approximately 6,000 years, unions were formed based on political strategy, financial gain, family legacy, and social survival. Love, as we now understand it, rarely factored into the decision.

Only within the past 150 years has the notion of marrying for love gained cultural traction. The emergence of romantic ideals — popularized by literature such as Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice — signaled a shift in societal expectations. For the first time, emotional connection and personal desire became not only valid but central to the concept of a successful marriage.

Marriage as a Central Source of Fulfillment

This cultural shift also restructured where individuals look for emotional fulfillment. Historically, people met their needs for connection, intimacy, support, novelty, and deep friendship through a network of family and community. A spouse was one part of that system — not the entirety of it.

In contrast, the modern marriage model places a heavy burden on one relationship to fulfill nearly all aspects of personal well-being. This change is significant, and, as the data shows, it has real consequences.

The Rising Divorce Rates

Divorce rates in many developed nations remain high. In the United States, approximately 53% of marriages end in divorce. The United Kingdom reports a 46% rate, while Hungary approaches 67%. While cultural differences exist, the underlying contributors often stem from similar issues.

Among the most common is a misalignment between expectations and reality. Many individuals enter marriage with the belief that their partner will satisfy a wide range of emotional, psychological, and even existential needs. When that doesn’t happen — and it often can’t — disillusionment sets in.

Compounding this problem is decision fatigue. With more options than ever before, individuals are encouraged to believe they can always “do better.” The paradox of choice creates chronic dissatisfaction — not because something is wrong, but because something might be better.

The Root Problem: Unrealistic Expectations

It is tempting to attribute divorce to communication breakdowns, financial disagreements, or sexual incompatibility. While these issues are relevant, they are often symptoms of a deeper challenge: unrealistic expectations of the marital relationship.

When one partner is expected to fulfill every role — emotional confidant, best friend, co-parent, therapist, adventure partner, and spiritual mirror — the relationship becomes overburdened and fragile.

This isn’t a matter of individual failure, but of systemic misunderstanding. No one person can (or should) be expected to meet all of another’s needs.

A Healthier Paradigm: Shared Responsibility and Community Support

The solution lies in reframing the role of a spouse — not as the sole provider of happiness and fulfillment, but as a central partner in a broader support system.

Healthy marriages are characterized by:

• Mutual commitment
  
• Shared sacrifice
  
• Ongoing individual growth
  

In this model, each partner invests in understanding their own needs and values, while also learning and responding to the needs of their spouse. They contribute where they can, and they support each other in seeking additional fulfillment through trusted relationships with friends, family, and community.

This does not diminish the value of marriage — it strengthens it by making space for each individual to be whole, supported, and human.

The Outcome: Realistic Expectations and Resilient Relationships

When individuals:

• Accept themselves
  
• Accept their partner’s limitations
  
• And build a broader network of support
  

…the relationship becomes more sustainable. It is rooted not in fantasy, but in mutual respect and realistic hope.

In the end, marriage is not about perfection. It is about partnership — one that thrives best when grounded in shared values, personal accountability, and collective support.