Every CSAT eventually gets the client who is not ready to quit. They didn’t come to therapy because they wanted to. Their partner found something, gave an ultimatum, and here they sit. They don’t believe they have a problem. They don’t want to stop. They may want to understand why they do what they do. In reality, they want to appease their partner. My instinct used to be to push. Tell them the truth, tell them where their actions are headed, tell them what the research says. But if a client is in the pre contemplation stage, pushing does not create change. It creates apathy, or it scares them off. Either way, you lose them. So instead, I lean on harm reduction. I want to be clear about this: harm reduction is not a lesser option or a compromise we settle for when a client won’t commit to full sobriety. It is a legitimate, evidence based treatment for addiction in its own right. The CSAT training is predominantly an abstinence based program, but that doesn’t mean abstinence is the only starting point. If a client says, “I don’t want to give this up yet,” my answer is, “Great, let’s work […]
The Model Isn’t the Focus: Your Client Is
The Model isn’t the Focus: Your Client Is I had a supervision session recently with a candidate who is doing good work. He is thoughtful, he cares about his clients, and he is trying hard to do CSAT work the “right” way. But partway through our conversation, I heard something I hear often from newer clinicians in this field. He was stuck on the workbook. Stuck on the assessment. Stuck on which exercise came next in the sequence. And in the process, he had lost sight of the actual human being sitting across from him. A Tool is Only as Good as the Hand That Wields It This is an easy trap to fall into, especially when you are early in your career and a structured model gives you something solid to hold onto. The CSAT task model and workbook exist for good reason. They are excellent tools! But a tool is only as good as the hand that wields it, and the moment you become married to the tool instead of the client, you are no longer doing therapy. You are administering a curriculum. I told him to picture a seven iron. It is a great club. But if […]
Understanding Love: A Therapeutic Look at Sternberg’s Triangular Theory
Understanding Love: A Therapeutic Look at Sternberg’s Triangular Theory As a counselor, love is a topic that finds its way into many sessions—whether it’s the absence of it, the complexity of it, or the pain of watching it change. One of the most helpful models I’ve come across, both for understanding my own relationships and helping clients reflect on theirs, is Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love. This theory breaks love down into three fundamental components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Each can exist independently, in pairs, or all together. The shape of a person’s “love triangle” helps us make sense of the type of love they’re experiencing—or craving. The Three Pillars of Love Intimacy is the emotional bond between people—the sense of closeness, connection, and trust that allows someone to feel seen and safe. It’s the long talk after a hard day, the way someone remembers your coffee order, or the comfort of sitting in silence with a friend who gets you. Often in session, clients confuse intimacy with sexual closeness, but this part of the triangle is about emotional vulnerability and friendship. It’s what makes someone feel known. Passion is the spark—physical attraction, infatuation, sexual energy. It’s what fuels […]